


Wake me up.

by DeanSwesson



Series: Wake me up. [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coma, First Kiss, First Love, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 16:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanSwesson/pseuds/DeanSwesson
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been the best of friends since they were little.After an unfortunate accident Jared ends up in a coma.





	1. The Party

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfiction a couple months ago (in single stories) but i decided to delete it and write it again doing one fanfiction with multiple chapters :D  
> 

Hi, my name is Jared, Jared Padalecki, i am 17 and this is how i ended up...wherever i am.

I am what you could call a nerd, a geek, if i am not studying to get a perfect score to attend Harvard or Yale, i am spending my time with my best friend, his name is Jensen Ackles.  
For as long as i can remember Jensen has always been my best friend, we met at school, primary school, he was a bit of a bad boy, always causing troubles to teachers, he was held back for a year and we ended up in the same class, no matter what people say about him, i know the truth, he is a kind soul.  
We became friends thanks to our teacher, she assigned us a task, honestly it was really a stupid test...we had to keep "alive" an egg, can you believe that? in trying not to break him we ended up as friends spending our free time together, in and out of school. In the end? we ended up breaking the egg by the way failing the test.

I don't know how we get along so well but we do, we have been friend of almost 10 years, we are so different, he likes to party, to get drunk, to fuck different girls every week, a playboy, a real playboy...straight of course, a straight playboy while i am a gay nerd. The irony of that? i couldn't be more wrong.  
I came out to my friends and family last year, of course everyone already knew that, including Jensen, no one was really upset...few of them were shocked but after all everything went ok. I wasn't bullied, no bad jokes, no pranks...nothing like that, even if i think i have Jensen to thank for that, practically he rules the school, with him by my side i am safe...or that's that i thought.

Jensen, the beautiful boy, tall, with green eyes, broad shoulders, the jock of the football team, the playboy, the king of the school...it surprises me how we haven't drifted apart when he went from being the bad boy to being the king of Anderson High school, it's really a mistery. I often asked him that, and he looked at me like i was an idiot.  
"Jay..you are my best friend, why would i drop you? we will always be friends, no matter where we are or who we are, don't worry, we are different but we love each other" his words are still impressed in my mind, sure i believed him.

The last thing i remember is seeing him..with a boy.  
The whole school got invited to Misha's party, Misha was the previous Captain of the football team before he went to college, once in a while he come back throwing big parties, everyone loves Misha and everyone loves his parties, alcohol and sex in every corner, not really my scene...i didn't really wanted to go but Jensen insisted "now come on, it's the spring before we go to college....you have to come, pleaseeee, come on Jay, please please please, pretty please baby."

God he always had a way with words and i couldn't really say no to him, god...how can people really say no to someone like Jensen? so we went there and everything went fine for a while, i drank a couple beers while Jensen spend his time talking with me and sometimes dancing with other people......until i saw him kissing someone.  
Really it wasn't really a surprise, Jensen had his first kiss when he was 10, by 13 he already had sex and he hasn't stopped since then.  
The problem is that..he was kissing a guy.

Jensen, the straight jock, my friend, straight, straight, interested in girls...was kissing a boy.  
Not just simply kissing a boy, he was making out, with tongues, wet tongues with weird wet sounds and moans, hands roaming all over his body, clearly rutting against him like he was the first time he was doing something like that. I...Jensen, my Jensen, clearly enjoying rubbing himself against a kid, a stupid freshman, they were going at it like mad people.  
I dropped the beer i had in my hand. It crashed on the ground.  
They stopped doing whatever they were doing and their eyes fixed on me.  
That's when i felt my eyes watering...i was crying, not because Jensen was kissing someone, god during the years i watched him making out with at least 50 different girls, i was crying because clearly he liked men and not only he didn't even tell me that... but that boy wasn't me. He wasn't kissing me...but some stupid freshman who just became part of the football team, a stranger.  
It's not like he didn't like men...he didn't like me....me....why would he like me? i am just a simple nerdy geeky guy.

He looked at me almost with a shocked expression..."Jay"  
In a second i sprinted out of the room, running away, i could hear his voice from afar "wait Jay, wait let me explain!"  
I bolted. I ran out of the house not paying attention to the road and i should have paid attention....a car, a beautiful red car hit me and i feel on the ground like i was nothing.  
I should have stopped, i should have stayed and let him brake my heart all over again, at least i would have been alive, hell i don't even know if i am dead. I am wherever i am because i saw my best friend making out with a guy.  
I feel like i am drifting away, sometimes i swear i can hear Jensen talking to me, i can hear him and feel him holding my hand, i can hear my parents, my sisters, even a few schoolmates but i can't place who they are or what they are saying. 

I only hear this beep, it never stops...where am i? i don't understand, it's like i am floating in the dark...i want to wake up, please let me wake up.


	2. The annoying sound

Beep.Beep.Beep

The constant beeping is annoying, that's what it is. oh god what is that sound?  
I really can't stand it, but it keeps me anchored, it's like i am not drifting anymore, i can hear and feel people all around me, my parents are always crying, crying because apparently i am not waking up  
They say i am in a coma....after the accident i wasn't able to wake up, it' a little over 5 months and people are losing hope, they don't say it but i can feel their emotions, they are losing hope.  
Honestly...i kinda do too.  
What if i am gonna spend the rest of my life like this? or what if they are gonna pull the plug and i'll miss my only chance at surviving?  
I feel trapped, day after day i am stuck in my own body, in a bed, in a hospital, with that annoying sound...

Beep.Beep.Beep.

God, what is that?

Beep.Beep.Beep.

After a while people stopped coming, at first everyday at almost every hour there was someone here, teachers, students, relatives...even the lady from the bookstore where i buy my comics was here, everyone wanted to show their support for me and my family but as always even that faded with time. it's July, it means summer, holidays, the last chance to have fun before college starts.  
No one is gonna stick around with the coma kid, once every few weeeks familiar faces comes to visit but that's it and to be honest i never had any real friends, people didn't treat me bad because of Jensen but they weren't really my friends.  
College, my future....wow, what a word, future! my future basically is over; I am here while everyone is moving on, everyone apart from my family and Jensen.

Jensen.

My Jensen.

He comes here almost eveyday, he holds my hand, lacing our fingers while talking about his days, what he is up to and what he is planning to do for the rest of the summer.  
He never talks about what's gonna happen after summer is over, he never talks about it or "us", even if there isn't a us, he doesn't talk about hookups, about girls or boys, that's what he used to do, he always talked about girls...yeah used to. Probably now he wants to talk about boys but hey, how can you have a conversation about dicks with a coma boy?  
I don't even know what's really going on, what about that night Jensen? why don't you talk about that night? I wanna now...please i wanna know. What happened?  
I can't shake that feeling...he lied to me, he likes boys and apparently he didn't feel the need to share that with me, with me, his best friend.  
I am angry at him, i am angry...if it wasn't for that evening i would be okay. I still can't believe it..Jensen with a guy.....Jensen being grabby with a boy, a boy that wasn't me, it's the only thing i can remember and the weird irony of the situation? it's like the only image replaying all over, like in a loop, in my head.   
It's like i can't "see" anything else...well i can't see because it's dark but you know what i mean.

I wanna scream: please Jen, please, i love you, please...don't leave me here. I am not angry with you because i am stuck in a bed, i am angry because you didn't talk to me, why didn't you? Jensen? why? Do i mean so little to you? Why are you here every damn day?  
What do i mean to you? you come here, talking about everything and nothing, you hold my hand, you place kisses on my forehead and i don't know what's going on. Why are you like this?  
But after all, i guess once summer is over he is gonna be gone too for college, he is gonna go away and he won't look back twice.

So long for J2.

J2 are over.


	3. Guilty enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen P.O.V. of what happened.

I don't know what to do.

I really don't know what to do. It's my fault...if it wasn't for me now Jay would be okay, ready to go for his summer course at Harvard and getting a life of his own, instead he is stuck in a bed, in a coma, all because of me.  
I try to apologize but no words come out of my mouth, what should i say? "i am sorry Jay, you ran out because you saw me dry humping a kid, a kid i was humping because i was so fucking desperate to feel a dick against my own because i couldn't have you?" so i talk about anything, what i eat, what i wear, what happens with the weird cat of the neighbors, what i watch in television, i am doing everything i can to avoid talking about that night and about my feelings for him.   
All i can do is talking about rubbish things while trying not to crumble, i hold his hands like they are everything to me, like some sort of link that keeps us together. Close.

Oh Jay, sweetheart, my little precious Jared.

I have been in love with Jay for a few years..i don't know what i am, gay? bisex? the only think i know is that i have never looked at a guy the way i look at him...sure i have sex with girls, or at least i did, but i had to so i could be able to him out of my head.  
Sometimes i had doubts about his feelings towards me, the way he used to look at me like i was truly a prince charming made me think about our relationships, but we have always been friends and he never made negative comments about all the girls i have been with so i figured it was all in my head.

I love him, yeah i do, i really do love him but i could never tell him that because i didn't and still don't wanna ruin him, he is smart, funny, lovable, caring, he is so sweet he deserves a real life with someone who could give him all he needs and that someone is not me, i am a simple guy, a jock, handsome (or so they say) but not really smart, i am just a guy who was lucky enough to get a football scholarship at a community college.   
But him....he is gonna be somebody one day, his dream about being a lawyer and fighting for the LGBT community? it's something real, tangible, what kind of future could he ever had with a lost cause?  
We never talked about what would happen after the summer, but he got accepted into Harvard, he still doesn't know it but the letter came just about few days after the accident, while my plan was to go a local anonymus college...so chances were..we were gonna drift apart being miles away from each other. He was gonna meet smart people like him, people who could challenge him to become even a better person. Not me. Really, not me.

I don't even know how we survived all these years, we are so different and yet he sees something in me, something worthy of trust, he sees me as the friend he never had and i don't understand why.  
So i pushed for him to come to that party because i wanted to have a one memory of us doing something crazy, something so college related, instead i got so drunk i ended up doing something horrible.... 

I was trying to find Jay and i ended up cornered by the new freshman, Tom, he came onto me few times in the last few weeks, always after practice, it started as a casual thing.  
It was a couple months ago, after practice, everyone was gone and i stayed behind to talk to the coach, i was sure no one was left so i went to the showers, i didn't see him coming, i was under the spray, already hard, thinking about Jay and stroking myself, thinking about how good it would be to have him sucking me off with that sweet lips of his...... and that's when Tom came behind be whispering "well i could help you with that" and i froze not realizing someone was there and that i said those words out loud.  
I turned around and i saw Tom, smiling and with that smug expression on his face he went to his knees and started touching me "do you want me to do it?"  
and i stayed there watching him, i didn't know what to do...i was already so hard and all i wanted was a little relief, he was already touching me and i let him, i dont' know why but i nodded and let him blow me...i could have stopped him but i didn't.  
He started by touching me like i was a fucking prize... lickling the head, swirling his tongue like i was a lollipop to taste, then little by little he took me all in his mouth, hollowing his cheeks, touching me like not even all my ex girls have touched me and i couldn't stop, i couldn't stop, i started rocking forward in his mouth, moaning like a bitch who had never had someone blowing him, he was so damn good i continued fucking his mouth until i came screaming.  
That was supposed to be it, a one time kind of thing but it wasn't...after that, it happened few times, at least once a week, always after pratice, in the shower, when no one was around he came onto me and i knew what was gonna happen, the more i tried to fight it the more i found myself wanting it, wanting Tom on his knees, busy to worship my body while i stand there like a king. Yeah a stupid king in this case.

I don't know how to explain myself, why i did what i did, i never even liked Tom, if anything i found him an arrogant piece of shit but...i don't know, i guess i just wanted something different, a mirror world of what i could have with Jay if i had been a little more brave.  
I never fucked him or kissed him, never, i swear , he tried more than once but i didn't want to... i always promised myself the only guy i would ever kiss or fuck would be Jay, only Jay.  
It was something that i only wanted to share with him even if only in my dreams.

So at that party...the more i think about it, the more it's a blur....i wanted so much to kiss Jay, to desperately kiss him, so when Tom came onto me, rubbing himself against me and touching me above my clothes i attacked him by kissing him violently, i know it was wrong but i couldn't really stop, i was so drunk i even forgot where i was, i forgot Jay was in the other room and i was so wasted i wanted him to be Jay and i kissed him thinking about my friend and his lovely lips, his long and soft hair, i moaned thinking about him, and that's when i heard the sound of a bottle crashing on the floor and i looked up watching Jay..in shock.  
When i saw his face i knew it...i knew i had broken him, i tried running after him but he was too fast, damn it, he wasn't even a football player but hell if he knew how to run, and i was so slow because of the alcohol. Too slow, i was too slow and fuck, definitely too late..  
I run after him, screaming his name but the car came out of nowhere and.....the last thing i remember is Jay, covered in blood, lying on the ground in front of the house.

So yes i feel guilty, i feel guilty because i should have told him the truth, if i had....he would probably hate me for trying to ruin our friendhsip by coming forward about my feelings towards him but he would still be completely alive.  
If i had never fallen for my need of having someone on his knees this would have never happened. Why didn't i stop Tom before? why? why am i such a stupid horny teenager? why am i lying to myself by saying i am not gay? i let a guy blow me, i let a guy touching me even if i swore to my self more than one time that i wasn't gay. why? I regret everything that happened, if i could come back i'd do it so differently, i'd never let Tom near me, never.  
I cut ties with Tom, practically i stopped even playing football at school, hell for what i know even my scholarship is completely gone but i couldn't care less in this moment.  
I still don't know what i'm gonna do once the summer is over, i know i can't leave Jay here alone, probably i'll end up like my old man, working at the garage, hell that's what he wanted and i never really wanted to go away to attend college....and it's ok, i wanna be around, i wanna stick around for Jared, i am gonna try to do whatever i can to wake him up, that' s why i come everyday to the hospital, i hope...i hope....to just come into the room and see him smiling, telling me he was finally up and ready to go.

Of course it doesn't happen, of course it doesn't, life is not a movie.

I swear Jay....if you wake up i am gonna make it up to you, please, i'll be a better friend, i won't be that coward anymore. I'll change, i'll be better for you.  
So please, wake up.


	4. Forgive me, for i have sinned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again with Jared P.O.V.

There is something wrong with me, i know it, the machine is beeping in a weird way, the doctors say it's fine, it's just my body adjusting.  
Adjusting to what? to a life attached to a machine? or am i adjusting to my slow death?

My parents are more sad than ever, they are talking about letting me go if i don't wake up in a few months.   
Jeff is back to college, Megan is busy with school or at least they are forcing her to concentrate on school, Mom and Dad are desperate...i know they can't take it anymore, i get it, it's tough on them, they cry and talk about letting me go, then they cry and say they can't....i know how you feel mom, please don't cry.....please i don't know what to do. How can i comfort you? Even Jensen cries..for the first time in months, hell in years, i hear him cry and it breaks my heart, please Jen, don't cry. Don't be sad. Not because of me.

Doctors say it's not impossible for me to wake up, they had doctors from different hospitals coming down here and they all said the same thing, i could wake up, there is nothing wrong with me, i just don't seem able to respond. Why? i WANT to wake up, i want to stand up, run, scream, live, i want to live. God, do something! pinch me with a fork if you need to do that!  
God! it's not possible!

Everyone put their life on hold for months, my parents, my siblings, even Jensen...Jensen ended up not going to college, he stayed here, working at his father shop as a mechanic, a job he has always hated....he says he didn't really want to go to college, my mom doesn't believe him, she says he is just scared of going away, away from me but he insists that he is no college material, he got into che community college only because of my tutoring, he prefers getting a real and practical job, raise few thousands dollars and then see what life has in store for him.

I know why...he is feeling guilty for what happened but the last thing i want is for him to feel guilty and letting him waste his life.  
I get so angry, how dare he put his life on hold like this?, so angry the machines start making a weird noise again and the doctors shrug, saying again it's just my body adjusting....adjusting or dying?

Jensen doesn't come for a few days....time always seems slower without him, slower and more painful.  
I know he has work and he can't stay here for hours like he did during the summer but i miss him, i miss the way he always holds my hand and kisses my cheek or forehead just to say hello. It's nice, and warm, it's stupid but it has been the highlight of my day and after what felt like an eternity Jensen shows up again, he comes closer, kissing tenderly my cheek and he starts talking "Hi baby, i am sorry if i wasn't here last week"

Baby? wow...that's new.

"I had an accident at work and i was on bed rest but now i am here again, so what are we going to do today? Are you gonna wake up? because let me tell you, i am getting so much money i feel we could even be up for a little trip, what do you say? seaside? mountain? a ranch? we could go camping like we did when we were kids" i found myself thinking 'hurt? why were you hurt? what happened?' but jensen couldn't hear me or answer me...again i get mad, what if he gets hurt and i won't be able to see him anymore? i feel anger boling in me and the beep of the machine for a few seconds goes crazy.  
"I....i am so sorry Jay, god i feel so stupid" i hear him trying to find the right words "I don't even know if you can hear me, god i hope so... it's my fault you're here, i want to explain everything.....he...he didn't mean anything, i knew it from your face you felt like i betrayed you. You have every right to be mad. I...your parents are talking about letting you go, i don't want to, i need you here, with me.  
God i don't even make sense, i am saying all different kinds of things at the same time"  
I can't believe it...he stops for a few seconds and then i hear him cry, his voice sounds weird, muffled because of the tears he tries to wipes from his face "Jay i love you...i never had the chance of telling you but i love you"

What he..he loves me? me? 

"I have for a long time but i always felt so inadequate" his voice sounds so distant now.

Inadequate? him? him? Jensen Ackles inadequate?  
No i don't believe him..no it's not possible, he fucked every damn girl of the country, how could he love me?   
Then he takesmy hand in his, lacing our fingers together in a tight grip as he continues talking "he...he never meant anything, i was so stupid, i know i was, there is no excuse, i wanted you, i wanted him to be you and i kissed him, oh i am so stupid. Plase Jay, please come back to me...you ...please...you are the only one who has always seen the good side of me, you see me for who i am, not for the jock and king of school. You see me as Jensen, and that's all i want."

He pauses for a second, coming closer and whispering in my ear: "no other girls, no other boys, i swear, Tom meant nothing, i felt so frustated i only wanted some body to hold on to.....i...you must consider me as a shallow person, i know i fucked around but my heart has always been with you. Believe me, if i could take your place i would, so i would be able to show you, you would believe me"

Oh god, that's too much, i...i don't even know what to say, ok i can't speak, i am in a coma, but if what he is saying is true....

I feel his other hand on my face like he is trying to make me focus "I should have told you the truth before but i felt so little compared to you, you are strong, smart, beautiful, you hide behind your glasses and floppy hair thinking you get unnoticed but you don't get that i see you for what you are, beautiful, stunning, and so smart you could take over the world in a second."

I laugh at that, yep i can see us, trying to rule the world

"I have always felt so inadeguate compared to you, i...i barely was able to finish high school and i only have you to thank for not dropping out of school, i didn't want to hold you back so i....i acted as a jerk by fucking everything and everyone, hoping that you would never look back at me and this city. I wanted you but i wanted even more to see you become the man you were supposed to be, away from me..the fucked up kid who loves his best friend to the point he isn't even able to breathe if he is away from him"

If i could breathe i'd definitely faint....if what he is saying it's true.....  
Just like that i feel him thightening his grip on my hand placing small kisses on my fingers " Jesus...how i wished i had told you this before, i...i'll do what you want, you want to hit me? do it! you want me to get out of your life? it'll break my heart but i'll do it for you, i'll do whatever you want, anything, name it and it's yours, just...wake up please"

And i felt it...the real pain jensen was feeling, it wasn't just about feeling guilty, it was about having to let me go.  
I get it know, he loves me as much as i love him, if not more. Jensen...my Jensen....  
"Jared please....I...." and i feel him getting closer and closer, he is just hovering over me by few inches, then he closes the gap between our bodies by pressing a soft kiss on my lips, it's just a simple brush of lips. The kind that says "i care about you, i love you, i want more, stay with me forever"

I feel my lips moving, i...god...i can control my body. Jensen shifts away from me in a second "Jared? Are you awake? Jared?" and the machines started beeping again in a weird way, the doctors came in shoving jensen away and that's the last thing i heard before blacking out....well if it was possible to black out after living 8 months in the dark.


	5. Out of it.

 

So waking up from a coma..not much fun!

In the movies you see the patient, always hot, always nice and handsome, struggling for 10 minutes and then he is up, running, walking, doing a marathon. Yep, good for him! In real life it's so different, my body has been still for months....i feel like a piece of wood.  
Please, no, no jokes like "oh i know something else that is stiff like a piece of wood", i KNOW THANKS! i have that too!

Waking up was easy, i found myself surrounded by a team of doctors, they did their tests, they told me i ended up in ICU for a week and i guess it was after that kiss with Jensen, they almost lost me but apparently i fought like a tiger coming out of the coma, they can't explain it and maybe they'll never be able too, i don't even remember anything....just waking up, with my eyelids so heavy like rocks and at the same times the feeling of being surrounded by air, by soft sheets covering my body, i felt alive.  
The doctors did run their tests, everything was fine, then bye Jared you only need physical therapy.

The hardest part was dealing with people, my family was practically screaming of joy, i was happy to see them, hug them and finally having the chance to thank them for staying by my side for months.  
But Jensen...wow, that was tough, i saw him only the day after i woke up, he ran away after that kiss and i didn't understand why but the day after he came back , i...well this is hard, i was so full of expectations, the words he said during the coma, the hand holdings,the little kisses...i hoped for something more, like a big happy fucking reunion with fireworks and flowers.  
He just stayed there, on the chair, looking at me like i was a ghost and i just stayed there, like an idiot, in my coffin...sorry my bed, hoping to hear some words out of that mouth.

That's when he started talking "i..." he was shaking, trembling like a leaf "i tought i'd never see you again, Jared..baby...we need to talk about a lot of things" and for a second i froze...talk? i never dated but i know what talking meant oh good for you Jared, you are up, ok bye sorry i need to go back to suck Tom's dick.

  
I almost whispered..."talk? talk about what?"

Jensen shifted close to my bed, he held out his hand, my eyes drifted from his hand, up to his eyes and then again to his hand, slowly i pulled out my hand from under the cover and i slid my fingers through his, he smiled looking at me "Us...i...i have a lot to explain about that night, but please, i never wanted to hurt you, believe me. I know i gave you no reasons to trust me, i was basically a slut for all high school but i love you Jay, you have always been the most important person in my world and....god i am not good with words, i don't know how to explain myself..."

I chuckled, smiling at his choice of words,i have never seen this side of him, shy, unsure of himself, he is so damn cute.  
I leaned over, grabbing him by the neck and kissing him on his lips, the kiss was tender, sweet, very much like the one we shared when i was in a coma, and even know i can remember the feeling... Jensen coming closer and sliding his arm around my back , feeling so complete, at home.

As a first kiss it was perfect, just a mere brush of lips, no tongue, no grabby hands, nothing of that sort, just us, hugging and kissing like we were a couple of kids discovering for the first time the meaning of kissing. He could have pushed for me, he could have depened the kiss but he didn't, it was like a clean break, a new start for us.  
Now this was a perfect kiss, the kind that wanna make you beg for more.  
Then he barely pulled away, resting foreheard against mine, we stayed like that for what felt like an eternity and then i had to say it, my voice was nothing more than a whisper "i heard you, you know, when i was here."

Jensen looked at me confused as i continued talking "i could hear everything and i get that...you were stupid Jensen, how could think you weren't enough for me? i don't care if you are rich, poor, if you get into an ivy league or a community college, i don't care, you are Jensen, my Jensen, nothing is gonna change that" his smile was so captivating, i found myself smiling too while adding "i don't care about those things, i care about who you are."

He bumped our foreheads together, gently brushing our noses in a sweet gesture..."That's why i love you, you see the best in everything. But i feel so stupid, we could have had this for years, if i hadn't acted like a coward now we would be together."

No i can't let him thing that "Jensen we...it's ok."

He frowned "no it's not, i hurt you, baby....i hurt you and i wish i could rewrite time, i was a real piece of shit."

I felt a lump in my throat as my mind went to that night..."yeah you hurt me, i thought...when i saw you with Tom i thought it was over, like hey look at Jensen, he likes dicks, he never told me about that and he drags me around a party just to let me see him humping a kid."

I saw Jensen pulling away from me, i already did fear the worst, i saw sadness in his eyes with an apologizing expression it's like he was uncertian about what to do...run? speak? fled? run towards another planet?

He stayed there looking at me for a couple of minutes, "you're right, i was acting like a piece of shit, when you'll feel better we'll talk about this but i am sorry...i don't.... what i did was terrible, i don't even know why i did that, i never even liked Tom, he is awful and arrogant and i am a stupid horny teenager, i wanted action, i wanted to feel something, i wanted to...."

Then he stopped talking for a second, like he was trying to get the right words out "while growing up i couldn't stop myself from looking at you, looking at you in a way i shouldn't have never..... i wanted you and i was scared, not only of ruining our friendship but also for admitting i was gay, gay, gay, Jensen the straight jock likes dicks especially the one of his best friend " - he started laughing, the same way he did when he was nervous - "i don't even know why i said yes to Tom, i only wanted something to touch, something easy, something not serious and he was there, god i know what you must think, i am shallow, right?"

Shallow? How could he be so stupid? "NO, no Jensen, you are not shallow just.....i wish you had come sooner to me, i...tought you didn't want me, not only for sex but also....you know."

Jensen shifted closer, practically sitting on the bed next to me "i want you, believe me, i do, you are all i think about" and he hugged me, resting his head on my shoulder, i hugged him back hoping time would give us the chance of putting all this behind us.

I felt so hopeful, i knew that was our only chance to be together "so what now...what's gonna happen?"

He smiled looking at me with pride "well...you're gonna have to get better for starters then you'll go to Harvard to become a kick ass lawyer."

I looked up at him frowning, he really didn't answe my question "yes and what about us?"

"Jay we...ok first we have to lean to be around each other as... boyfriend if that's what you want, then when you'll move to Harvard if we are still a thing...i was kind hoping of going with you, i am putting aside money and i could always get a job and a small apartment in the city."

I couldn't believe my own ears..."really? but what about college? you studied so hard to get admitted."

I saw him similing tenderly "no..no..i don't want that, i am not really cut for studying, really. i prefer working, then if i want to go back to school i'll do it, but for now you are my priority"  
and just like that he kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss a little bit, licking my lips just to make me open up, and then i was in heaven, i was kissing Jensen, Jensen, i was kissing him and he was kissing me and it was beautiful, still tangled up in each other arms we continues kissing, our tongues stroking in a slow, wet and deep kiss, never getting tired of feeling each other taste.  
It was a kiss full of promises. promises between us, promises of hope, of things going in the right direction.  
That's what i was missing, that's what i wanted...not only to finish school, not only to get good grades, but to have all that with Jensen by my side.  
That was paradise, i knew somehow along the road we would be fighting, with lots of things to talk about, about Tom, about the girls he had been with, about the fact that he still has problems admitting he was gay but this...this is what i have always wanted.

 

**** *****

Now it's almost fall again, it has been almost a year since i woke up again, i can walk by myself, i still have trouble doing stairs but i am getting there, i am about to start at harvard...wow harvard, can you believe that? my parents were able to defer me for a couple of years and now i am ready to start my life again.  
OF course with Jensen.

After few months of fighting, trying to put some sense into his head he decided to give school another chance, now he is about to start a private course, he wants to get a better GPA so he will be able to attend a community college not far from Harvard.

We are sharing an apartment together, these months have not been easy to be honest, i know, you were expecting rainbows, flowers and marriages? you couldn't be more wrong. We had the chance to talk, to really talk about what happened in the previous months before the accident and it was tough for me to accept that side of Jenses, he really did hide a part of himself from me but i get he was scared

I am learning to accept that he is not perfect. No one really is.

In the end we are strong, we are stronger than ever and we will get through everything.

I'd like to talk about the first time we had a big fight it almost broke us apart, or the first time we finally had sex but...it's a story for another time. I'll tell you, just not now.

For now, that's Jared, geeky nerdy Jared with hot stunning boyfriend, finally coming back to life.

 


End file.
